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from Jim Moret’s CNN News Exclusive Interview (April
10, 1998 at CNN studio, Los Angeles; copyright CNN) JIM MORET:
For sixteen years George Michael has been an international star, but for
the last week the international tabloids, specifically the British tabloids,
have been focusing a great deal on his personal life following an arrest
here in Beverly Hills on Tuesday. And you’re here to talk about this… GEORGE MICHAEL:
I most certainly am. I’d like to put to rest some misconceptions
full stop, really, or period as you say here. The greatest misconception
of this week is that I’ve had the most hellish … well I’m
not saying it’s been a good time, but it has not been the worst time
in my life by any means. It’s been humiliating, embarrassing …
funny to some degree … but I’m reading reports coming back from
London that I laid awake crying and was devastated and this and that.
And the truth was I laid awake quite angry at the situation. And believe
me, if this one gets over here: I did not try to convince
the arresting officer that I was looking for my lottery ticket when he
arrested me. Par for the fact that I think they were trying to make me
look greedy as well as perverse. JM: They being the British
press? GM: Yeah. But it’s had its lighter
moments. I’ve been living in a circus, you know, in the middle of
helicopters flying around my house. Literally hundreds of people outside
the house waiting day and night for something … I don’t know
what exactly. But I just want to tell my fans, who I feel, apart from
embarrassing myself, I’ve embarrassed them to some degree. I just
want to let them know that I’m okay; that I know a lot of them realize
I’ve had a very tough time over the last 5 or 6 years. And I want
to let them know this is not going to finish me off. This is really nothing
compared to the bereavements I’ve had to deal with. Even compared
to the legal situations I’ve had to deal with, this is kind of …
I was going to say a walk in the park, but I don’t think that
would work here. JM: You were actually taken into custody
at a park in Beverly Hills? GM: Yes. JM: You were alone? GM: Yeah, I was alone. JM: And you’ve chosen not to
comment on the specifics because you were arrested, but there have been
no charged filed… GM: I’m not at liberty to talk about
it, but not because I’m afraid to talk about it, but simply because
it’s a legal situation that’s still up in the air and I don’t
know whether or not I’m going to be charged with anything. I’ve
been advised that I am not really allowed talk about the detail of it. JM: But you’ve been very open
about the fact that it’s something you’re not exactly thrilled
with yourself for; you’re angry with yourself for putting yourself
in this position… GM: Of course. I put myself in a position
where I risked all kinds of things. I risked prosecution. I risked all
of the things that happened to me and I’m not proud of that at all.
But the actual the moral question at the center of it – which ultimately
would not be a huge deal if it was a heterosexual moral question –
the moral question at the center of it, I’m not ashamed of it at
all. JM: Your sexuality has been a focus
of tremendous attention… GM: Yeah. JM: … in Great Britain …
GM: Yeah. I think everywhere, to some
degree. With pop stars or film stars, we become the object of people’s
self-definition, as well as the object of sexual definition. I think people
like to think they can spot a gay person as opposed to a straight person
because it makes them feel, in some way, a little more defined in themselves.
And if someone is on the borderline, which I’ve always considered
myself in terms of the way I appear to people… JM: You mean ambiguous? GM: Ambiguous, yeah. I think while it
works very successfully in pop culture – especially if you are trying
to communicate something emotional or sexual, that you’re communicating
with both men and women – my sexuality was not cut and dried. I spent
the first half of my career being accused of being gay when I hadn’t
had anything like a gay relationship. In fact, I was 27 before that happened
to me. So I spent years growing up being told what my sexuality was, really,
which is kind of confusing. And then by the time I’d kind of worked
out what it was and I’d stopped having relationships with women,
I was just so indignant about the way I had been treated until then, I
just thought, well, I’ll just hold on to this. They [the media] don’t
need to know. I don’t think I should have to tell them. But, you
know, this is as good a time as any… JM: So, in unambiguous terms, what
is it that you want to say? GM: I want to say that I have no problem
with people knowing that I’m in a relationship with a man right now.
I have not been in a relationship with a woman for almost ten years. I
do want people to know the songs that I wrote when I was with women were
really about women, and the songs I have written since have been fairly
obviously about men. So, I think in terms of my work, I’ve never
been reticent in terms of defining my sexuality. I write about my life
and I want people to know, especially people who loved the earlier stuff,
especially if they were young girls at the time, there was no bullshit
there. JM: George, why do you feel compelled
to open up a very private part of your life and make it so public? GM: Because I’ve kind of done that,
haven’t I? I’ve done that in a way that I didn’t really
intend to. And, I think having done something as stupid as that –
I’m a very proud man – I want people to know that I feel stupid
and I feel reckless and weak for having allowed my sexuality to be exposed
this way, but I don’t feel any shame whatsoever. JM: Do you feel that, in some fashion,
you put yourself in this subconsciously so you could address this issue
that has apparently been disturbing you? GM: No. I don’t think so. I don’t
think I ever really wanted to address it and certainly not quite this
way. I think it was the danger of the situation that must have compelled
me to do it because it was absolutely compulsive. I have no problem in
saying that I am a human being and I think for most of us our biggest
frailties are sexual. JM: But you have been, as we’ve
said, in the limelight. You’ve been considered a superstar for so
long, was there a time you felt you wanted to step back from such a public
life? GM: I made some pretty important decisions
at the end of the whole Faith period. I don’t think that they
were entirely divorced from my feeling my sexuality was changing, or that
I was defining myself in a different way, but it was far more to do with
the fact I was feeling very unhappy. I was very miserable at the center
of that kind of fame at 23-24. I just couldn’t cope with that. I
don’t think that is all together that surprising considering that
I left school at 17 and was a star by the time I was 18 – a star
in certain parts of the world anyway. JM: What do you make of the tremendous
attention, perhaps over zealous -- at least certainly by your accounts
-- of the British tabloids into your personal life and the incessant interest? GM: Well, I think its just something
you have to accept and I think if I wasn’t prepared to accept that
I wouldn’t have put myself out there again. I really did at one point
believe that I never wanted that sort of success. My success over the
last seven years really has gone from strength to strength in the rest
of the world. So I achieved what I wanted, which was to hold on to my
ability to do something that was going to please people and write something
that meant something to me and to them. I also gave myself the chance
to quite slow my life down and grow up a bit, even though this week has
not been the most grown up of my life… JM: Are you angry with yourself, or
are you angry at the position the British press has put you in your own
country? GM: No, I think I’m angry at media
generally about a lot of things, but not just for myself. I mean for all
of us, whether we’re famous or not famous, or just happen to get
caught in the glare of publicity over one issue or another, I think the
media is a real demon. But from my own point and what’s happened,
I can’t be angry with anyone but myself. I mean, the only people
I’ve really hurt are myself, the people who love me and my partner
who has been absolutely amazing and understands me, thank God. I owe those
people apologies, as again, I said I probably owe an apology to fans that
have been supportive and have not wanted to believe that any of this was
true. I know it really takes a little bit of the sheen off of the mystique,
to put it mildly, but other than that I really don’t have apologies
to make. JM: Was it a difficult decision for
you to come out publicly about being gay? GM: No. I knew I was going to do this
from the moment I was arrested. Absolutely, I knew that this was the only way to
go. I’ve seen too many people run away from situations like this
and I’m thinking "just go on TV; you’re a human being,
just go on TV and get it sorted out as quickly as possible." JM: Sorting out this incident and
telling the world "I’m gay" are two very different
things. GM: I define my sexuality in terms of
the people that I love and my life right now is very happy living in a
gay relationship. I’m very happy with that; I don’t look to
the future and think I might change my sexuality because I’m hoping
that my relationship is the one that is going to last me for the rest
of my life. I mean I could’ve tried to put any number of angles on
this tonight, but ultimately at the end of the day I’m not ashamed,
I’m just pissed with myself for having been so stupid. And I’m
perfectly prepared to believe that as long as I am truthful to myself
and truthful to the people who are out there with my music then I have
nothing to fear. JM: I appreciate your candor and thank
you for coming here. GM: Thank you. # # # |
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